dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
