everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
