The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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