there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
