Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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