I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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