I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
