there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
