I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
