the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
