My nipple is on Facebook.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
