Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
