Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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