i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
So. Much. Porn.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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