I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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