cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
