I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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