Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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