I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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