I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
