Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
