we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
