Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
