Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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