I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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