Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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