i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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