Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
