no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
