Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
