she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
