He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
