Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
