Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
