Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
