dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
