My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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