goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
