Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
