it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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