My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
