Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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