The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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