Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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