My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
