Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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