To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
