shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
