were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
