This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
