She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
