the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
