i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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