I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
