Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
