idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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