i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's rum buckets o'clock
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
