were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
