Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.