Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?