Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.