In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.