1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land