New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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