Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My hand turned me down
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bring me that man meat
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
