The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
