lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize