i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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