biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
