Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
