mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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